Goaty Goatface

In my home country of Nigeria, our cops know how to handle criminals all right! lol

Today two men in Nigeria tried to steal a Mazda, but the police stopped them in the nick of time. One of the men got away, but the other turned into a goat and was promptly arrested. In the Western world, people might call that "both men got away." But in the Nigerian equivalent of redneck country, we know a thing or two about black magic. Turning into a goat is not an uncommon way to get yourself out of a sticky situation. My grandmother always sang me this Coleridgian verse to encourage me to goat-tranform should the situation call for it:

O, crime today is so wide-spread
That vigilantes cut your throat
Before your sentence e'er is read!
A mob cries out, "His head! His head!"
And "No!" you shout, but soon you're dead.
So listen boy, and do take note,
That when you flounder in a pinch
Remember: none shall ever lynch
The cuteness of a little goat.


You notice that turning himself into a goat did not help the robber get away with his humanoid partner-in-crime. But that is not the point. The point is, the goat was taken into custody before any lynching could happen. No one has it in them to lynch a goaty goatface, and in today's Nigeria, that is important to remember. Goats receive the full protection of the law. As they should!!