In my home country of Nigeria, our cops know how to handle criminals all right! lol
Today two men in Nigeria tried to steal a Mazda, but the police stopped them in the nick of time. One of the men got away, but the other turned into a goat and was promptly arrested. In the Western world, people might call that "both men got away." But in the Nigerian equivalent of redneck country, we know a thing or two about black magic. Turning into a goat is not an uncommon way to get yourself out of a sticky situation. My grandmother always sang me this Coleridgian verse to encourage me to goat-tranform should the situation call for it:
O, crime today is so wide-spread
That vigilantes cut your throat
Before your sentence e'er is read!
A mob cries out, "His head! His head!"
And "No!" you shout, but soon you're dead.
So listen boy, and do take note,
That when you flounder in a pinch
Remember: none shall ever lynch
The cuteness of a little goat.
You notice that turning himself into a goat did not help the robber get away with his humanoid partner-in-crime. But that is not the point. The point is, the goat was taken into custody before any lynching could happen. No one has it in them to lynch a goaty goatface, and in today's Nigeria, that is important to remember. Goats receive the full protection of the law. As they should!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Obey my dog!
Some people wonder if life imitates art or if art imitates life, lol. Well whichever way it goes, I have to blog about a recent discovery of mine... Jacobim Mugatu and Robert Mugabe are almost the same person!!
One is a fictional villian portrayed by Will Ferrell, the other is a Zimbabwean dictator. But let me make my case...
1. Similar Names
* "Mugatu"
* "Mugabe"
2. Lust for Power
* Mugatu clearly enjoys a dictator-like role in his fashion world, abusing his models and personal assistant.
* Mugabe's violent and oppressive reign has been completely defined by his own fear of losing power.
3. Dorky Beginnings
* Mugatu was kicked out of Frankie Goes To Hollywood, then went on to create the piano key necktie.
* Mugabe was a quiet boy who never played with his siblings and focused intensely on his schoolwork. Big nerd.
4. No Moral Objections to Cold-Blooded Murder
* Mugatu is responsible for the assassination of many public figures and the deaths of many male models.
* Mugabe is responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of people during his 28-year reign. He has bragged about having a "degree in violence" in addition to his other academic degrees.
5. Sweet Cribs
* Although it may be his workplace instead of his home, Mugatu resides in a plush New York City skyscraper that he has customized with a giant "M" on the roof.
* Mugabe has used his impoverished nation's tax dollars to build himself a VERY nice pad, featuring elaborate pagoda-style roofs and 44 acres of landscaped grounds, costing about 26 million USD!
6. Top-Secret Brainwashing Camps
* Mugatu selects male models to send to an exclusive "day spa" that is, in actuality, a place where he brainwashes people into becoming assassins.
* Mugabe has chosen to employ children instead of male models. His regime has set up several National Youth Service Training Program camps, which officially teach kids job skills and patriotism, but seem to actually be teaching kids how to rape, beat, and murder people (often their own family members, as part of training).
7. Memorable Quotes!
* "I'm a hot little potato right now!" --Jacobim Mugatu
* "If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler ten-fold. Ten times. That is what we stand for." --Robert Mugabe
One is a fictional villian portrayed by Will Ferrell, the other is a Zimbabwean dictator. But let me make my case...
1. Similar Names
* "Mugatu"
* "Mugabe"
2. Lust for Power
* Mugatu clearly enjoys a dictator-like role in his fashion world, abusing his models and personal assistant.
* Mugabe's violent and oppressive reign has been completely defined by his own fear of losing power.
3. Dorky Beginnings
* Mugatu was kicked out of Frankie Goes To Hollywood, then went on to create the piano key necktie.
* Mugabe was a quiet boy who never played with his siblings and focused intensely on his schoolwork. Big nerd.
4. No Moral Objections to Cold-Blooded Murder
* Mugatu is responsible for the assassination of many public figures and the deaths of many male models.
* Mugabe is responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of people during his 28-year reign. He has bragged about having a "degree in violence" in addition to his other academic degrees.
5. Sweet Cribs
* Although it may be his workplace instead of his home, Mugatu resides in a plush New York City skyscraper that he has customized with a giant "M" on the roof.
* Mugabe has used his impoverished nation's tax dollars to build himself a VERY nice pad, featuring elaborate pagoda-style roofs and 44 acres of landscaped grounds, costing about 26 million USD!
6. Top-Secret Brainwashing Camps
* Mugatu selects male models to send to an exclusive "day spa" that is, in actuality, a place where he brainwashes people into becoming assassins.
* Mugabe has chosen to employ children instead of male models. His regime has set up several National Youth Service Training Program camps, which officially teach kids job skills and patriotism, but seem to actually be teaching kids how to rape, beat, and murder people (often their own family members, as part of training).
7. Memorable Quotes!
* "I'm a hot little potato right now!" --Jacobim Mugatu
* "If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler ten-fold. Ten times. That is what we stand for." --Robert Mugabe
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Little Stinker, Big World
As you can see, blogging is a little tough for me because I am so small. Sometimes making a capital letter feels like a game of Twister! lol
But just because you're small doesn't mean you can't save the day. Here is a news story about a little boy whose friend gets hit by a car. The driver flees the scene, but the boy carries his friend all the way home, just like he was a member of the Jamaican bobsled team carrying the broken sled the rest of the way to the finish line at the end of Cool Runnings, except instead of an old bobsled, it was his best friend in the whole world. Sometimes they advise people NEVER to move the body in the case of an accident, but today was different. Today the boy became a hero for doing just that. What a show of true friendship!!
A little about me
Hi, I'm Stinker Kurt. You may recognize me as the little brother of former Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo. (Family resemblence much?! lol)
I hope to fill this blog with real slices of humanity. You'll find observations about the whole world here. You might also find poems written by yours truly. We'll laugh together, and we might ever cry together. I can't wait to get started!!
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